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Camietowns a biddie; wapatah to the bammies on the Pannie Stai! Cigarettes/Fast food = Netatai Baddy!

- Pootie Tang

Comedy first. Always. We cannot be swayed or delayed by your delicate emotional state. The joke must be served up as its realized. Fresh & Spicy. Tragedy is a Comedians Christmas morning.

- Any Comedian worth a Fuk

Strain, manipulation, passion, and friction. Take away any one of these crucial elements, and a violin has no voice.

- Ronald P. Vincent

When shared vision, knowledge, and perspective be our bones, no winter can take us.

- Ronald P. Vincent

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.

- Hunter S. Thompson

An hour from Vegas at the Donkey Show. Don't see anyone I know.

- Ted (a text message)

I think more people need to make out.

- Josh Homme

Making me into a role model is placing too much importance on what I see as a work in progress.

- Polly Harvey

Boobs. What's not to like?

- A Guy

To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

- Zen Judaism by Someone Clever

Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And SIT UP STRAIGHT. You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

- Zen Judaism by Someone Clever

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this... and attaining enlightenment is the least of your problems.

- Zen Judaism by Someone Clever

Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?

- Zen Judaism by Someone Clever

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single oy.

- Zen Judaism by Someone Clever

Drink Tea and nourish life. With the first sip... joy. With the second... satisfaction. With the third... peace. With the fourth... a danish.

- Zen Judaism by Someone Clever

Whereever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

- Zen Judaism by Someone Clever

Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

- Zen Judaism by Someone Clever

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

- Zen Judaism by Someone Clever

The sparkling blue sea... Reminds me to wait an hour... After my sandwich.

- another Jewish Haiku

I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says 'I want to be formal, but I'm here to party.' Cuz I like to party so I like my Jesus to party.

- Cal Naughton, Jr

Enough is enough! I've had it with these mutha fuckin snakes on this mutha fuckin plane!

- Samuel L. Jackson

My nature journal. 'Today i saw some trees and birds.' I should know the names?

- Jewish Haiku

'Can't you just leave it?' the new Jewish mother asks. Umbilical cord.

- Jewish Haiku

Like a Banzai tree. your terrible posture at my dinner table.

- Jewish Haiku

The New Jerusalem diagram is but a symbol of the cosmos, a representation in one dimension of an organism that embraces many. It is not therfore intended as an object of veneration in it's own right, and if taken as one, it becomes in St John's phrase "The Image Of The Beast," an obstacle rather than a stimuus to independent thought.

- John Michell. from 'City Of Revelation'

Honey? Where's my super suit?

- Frozone

The only tragedy is to allow part of us to die -- whether it is our spirit, our creativity or our glorious uniqueness.

- Gilda Radner

Whatever thy hand findest to do, do it with all thy heart.

- Jesus Christ

There is one singer called Shakira… sorry I laugh because in Kazakhstan this word means vagina. For example, ‘Can I touch your shakira?’ or ‘I have seen your wife’s shakira, it hangs like the mouth of a tired dog.

- Borat

Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.

- Jackie Kennedy Onassis

I start with the premise that the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers.

- Ralph Nader

I taught them everything they know, but not everything I know.

- James Brown

I've always had an obligation to creation, above all.

- Nick Cave

People think I'm a miserable sod but it's only because I get asked such bloody miserable questions.

- Nick Cave

I don't like the word ironic. I like the word absurdity, and I don't really understand the word 'irony' too much. The irony comes when you try to verbalize the absurd. When irony happens without words, it's much more exalted.

- David Lynch

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

- Groucho Marx

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

- Lenny Bruce

Art is only a means to life, to the life more abundant. It is not in itself the life more abundant. It merely points the way, something which is overlooked not only by the public, but very often by the artist himself. In becoming an end it defeats itself.

- Henry Miller

When you follow your bliss... doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors, and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else.

- Joseph Campbell

Every religion is true one way or another. It is true when understood metaphorically. But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors, interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.

- Joseph Campbell

I remember that time you told me, "love is touching souls." Well surely you've touched mine. Cuz part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time.

- Joni Mitchell. A Case Of You

Nude family act. Takes a bow covered in poop. The Aristocrats.

- Haiku. They practically write themselves.

My vagina itches.

- Me. Just a few minutes ago. 2006

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

- Dubya

Lighten up, Francis.

- Sgt Hulka, Stripes 1981

We've been to a good many ceremonies and shrines, but I don't get your ideology. I don't get your theology." The priest repied, "I think we don't have ideology. We don't have theology. We dance.

- Converation between a social philosopher and a Shinto priest

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

- Hunter S. Thompson

What's your name?" "Arnold Horshack." "Horshack? Interesting name. What does it mean?" "It means the cattle are dying.

- Welcome back Kotter

Beware the beast man, for he is the devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, for he is the harbinger of death." - The Sacred Scrolls

- Planet of the Apes 1968

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live.

- Charles Bukowski